The Identity of a Wife and Mom

I fancy myself a feminist.  You know; the kind that has a full-time job but really just wants to stay at home with her kids.  Ok…well, the title doesn’t read “Just Thinkin’ about stuff that makes sense…”  Andrew and I were arguing or bickering the other day about who knows what where one of my comebacks was something like “Well, I’m a feminist, so that’s why I think that way.”  He laughed and rebuked my statement.  “Maybe you were in college, but honey you are closer to Susie homemaker than a feminist now.”

His statement really got me thinking.  What do I define myself as now?  What exactly is the definition of a mother?  Just because you are a working mother does not mean you love your children less, and just because you have the luxury to be a stay-at-home mom does not mean you love your children more.  Honestly, I don’t know how to define myself.

Andrew’s right though…I was more of a feminist in college.  Not to the point where I didn’t shave my armpits and protested, but I did see myself as a strong powerful woman.  Before I dated my husband, all my other ‘interests’ were more of ummm appeasing guys; you know the ones who say ‘sure honey’ to everything you suggest.  The ones who do everything exactly your way…oh the days (just kidding honey).  And I think before me, Andrew dated girls who did everything he wanted without fighting back.  We both have to bend our personalities a little, but I like the challenge he presents to me to be a better person.

An example of who I am is the movie “Mona Lisa Smile”. Have you seen it?  If not, I highly suggested you rent, TiVo, Netflix it right away.  It is a must see for every woman!  It came out when I was in high school.  I was so excited to go see it in the theater.  A movie from the 1950’s portraying the early feminist…that was how I saw it in my head.  But I hated it, absolutely hated it.  It was not what I thought it would be.  *spoiler* The girl I saw as the ‘feminist’ character has a chance to go be a lawyer, but chooses to stay at home to raise a family.  Oh, I remember discussing it with my dad about how much I did not agree with it.  I watched it again a few years later.  I can now see the depth in each character.  I have matured so that I can see each story line.  Now I see that choosing to stay at home is no different than getting a divorce because your ‘perfect’ husband is cheating on you.  I would have to say this movie affects my life every time I watch it, and I’ve watched it so many times I can quote it.  It’s amazing how viewpoints can change or become skewed. 

I changed my last name when I married Andrew.  I changed my priorities when I had Leah.  In college, I was a different woman.  I was a loud independent who claimed moderate political status.  I wrote papers on how the Iraq war was just a cover-up to secure oil in the Middle East.  Now, I am a loud conservative.  I am often guilty of putting the needs and feelings of my husband and children before my own.  But does that mean the feminist side of me is gone?  I don’t think so.  I still think women can have strong roles in society.  I still struggle with the Bible verses telling me to ‘obey my husband’ and submit to him.  I still hate the fact that the Lutheran church does not allow women to be pastors or missionaries.  So, what is my identity as a wife and a mother?  Well, I guess I have my whole life ahead of me to try to figure that out! 

Update 4/9/10

I'm adding this post to Amy's Round Robin as well

I hope I don't scare anyone away with my insecurities, lol

I would love for you visit my UBP 10 party post as well and get to know me better!