Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Regrets

I had a thought yesterday that I really wanted to write about, and I remembered Shell's Pour Your Heart Out; so I thought I'd write about my thoughts here!  Visit Shell for more heart-felt posts.
I hate to see it when people say they have regrets, or ask questions such as would you change anything in your life / past / etc.  I hate that because I start thinking.  I start thinking about the past, and the mistakes I made because I would be a complete liar if I told you otherwise.  and then my mind starts playing the "What if" game.  "What if...I hadn't done that stupid thing?"  "What if ... I made a different decision?"  What a horrible game to play.  Then I find myself in this slump for a few days.  My dreams are full of what I imagine would happen if I made different choices.  Would I be happier that way?

The point is ... I didn't make those decisions.  I made the ones in my life, and I have to own them even if my smarter more mature self doesn't agree with them.  I don't have to proclaim them; I don't have to tell anyone, but I do have to accept them.  It is my life, and I can't regret it.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret
-2 Corinthians 7:10

More than I want I find myself looking back at the person I was in high school.  I was happy, skinny and easy going.  I never met anyone in high school who 'hated' me or expressed to me they didn't like me.  I look back now and I can clearly see how my personality has changed.  Sure, I can also see what happened in my life to cause that, but I start thinking ... if only I was like that girl in high school ... then we wouldn't fight so much, then they would be prouder of me, then I would be loved more.  Even though my brain tells me what crap that is, my heart screams over the logical part.  My emotions are like a child plugging their ears and singing as loud as they can.  "I can't hear you.  Just let me sit in self pity.  Just let me long for the person I once was.  lalalala."

I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
-Philippians 3:13

I see it in my weight loss struggle too.  I find myself gazing at pictures of the skinny girl I once was.  Once again my heart starts thinking "if only."  If only I weighed 150 pounds again, I would be happy.  If only I could fit into those jeans again, I would be happy.  If only I could lose weight by having pity parties ... if only ...

I once heard that the "What if..." game will drive you crazy.  I think I'd like to add to that ... the combination of the "what if..." and the "if only..." game will drive you into depression.  It's that dang word if.  Well, you know what ... I'm kicking the dang depressing crazy if out of the door and into the street.  

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

You know what ... I have confessed my sins.  I meant it.  I can't change it.  I can't go back in time, and I don't want to.  So anymore questions about regrets or changing the past ... and I'm including a link to this post!

Also, I was listening to my Wicked cd yesterday, and I think this song "For Good" perfectly sums up what I'm trying to tell you.  Here are some lyrics (just substitute life experiences when they are talking about each other)





LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU {because I made this choice}
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …

LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU... {because I made this choice}

In case you have never had the pleasure of hearing this song or you love it like I do ... here is a video that includes the lyrics.
Don't have regrets.  Don't think what if.  Don't think if only.  Don't let your happiness dwell on something in the past or some goal in the future.  Love yourself now, work towards your goals and dwell in the fact that you have been forgiven by the grace of an Almighty God.

11 comments:

  1. Girl girl girl... are we sitting in the same boat or what? I know that feeling of playing What if.. I do it too.. we all do. But even with my what ifs.. I wouldnt change what I have now.. and though there are some things I KNOW i'd do differently if I could.. the majority of things I would not change if it meant not having some of the things I do now. But girl most of us are better off ya know... thanks for posting this :) and we all do look back at times, but forward is where we are going!!! (hugs)

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  2. I loved your post. I have very little regrets if any really, maybe just one...I do wish I would have been a better student in HS....but I turned out OK in spite of it. I am a follower of your blog and your post came up....I joined in on the party because I have a heatfelt post I was linking up for another party. Thanks:)

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  3. i used to have a lot of pity parties,too. but when i became a mom, they became a total waste of time! i simply didnt have the time to indulge myself in pity when i have to look after another person.

    then, i realized that the Lord would not make a mom if i stayed in the rut. my child saves me all the time whenever i feel sorry for myself :)

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  4. "I didn't make those decisions. I made the ones in my life, and I have to own them even if my smarter more mature self doesn't agree with them."

    Very well said. This was a great entry.

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  5. Great Post Christy! I really needed to hear this....I just wish I had your great attitude. :) I hate the what if game!
    Thanks for sharing! Love the song!

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  6. I need to take that last paragraph and post it on my fridge where I can see it all the time. Beautifully put.

    Thanks for linking up!

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  7. I really like this post I really do not think I have a lot of regrets. Everything that happen to me has made me who I am today and where I am at today in my life.

    I am doing this new thing on my blog if you want to try it out.
    Just go check it out.

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  8. Loved your post today Christy! You are so right. The "what if and if only" game will drive anyone to the loony bin!! You shared a lot of wisdom here today! Thanks for that!!

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  9. OH Christy I am so proud of this post. I think you are right with the what (if's) things. Then you get your mind going on and on.. I think we all wish at times are different. As we grow we change more and more and are happy with what is going on.. I am trying to do that myself also. Thanks for sharing and showing me the way..

    Have a great day.. You rock..

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  10. great post! I think we are all guilty of this and I know I for one really need to work on it

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  11. Thanks for posting that today Christy! I need it! Kind of puts my post in perspective of my walls...what if I took them down, what if I get hurt...etc. And the weight...I think we have to be happy within ourselves before we can be happy in those skinny jeans. I am still working on that, not even close to being there yet!

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