Regrets

I had a thought yesterday that I really wanted to write about, and I remembered Shell's Pour Your Heart Out; so I thought I'd write about my thoughts here!  Visit Shell for more heart-felt posts.

I hate to see it when people say they have regrets, or ask questions such as would you change anything in your life / past / etc.  I hate that because I start thinking.  I start thinking about the past, and the mistakes I made because I would be a complete liar if I told you otherwise.  and then my mind starts playing the "What if" game.  "What if...I hadn't done that stupid thing?"  "What if ... I made a different decision?"  What a horrible game to play.  Then I find myself in this slump for a few days.  My dreams are full of what I imagine would happen if I made different choices.  Would I be happier that way?

The point is ... I didn't make those decisions.  I made the ones in my life, and I have to own them even if my smarter more mature self doesn't agree with them.  I don't have to proclaim them; I don't have to tell anyone, but I do have to accept them.  It is my life, and I can't regret it.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret

-2 Corinthians 7:10

More than I want I find myself looking back at the person I was in high school.  I was happy, skinny and easy going.  I never met anyone in high school who 'hated' me or expressed to me they didn't like me.  I look back now and I can clearly see how my personality has changed.  Sure, I can also see what happened in my life to cause that, but I start thinking ... if only I was like that girl in high school ... then we wouldn't fight so much, then they would be prouder of me, then I would be loved more.  Even though my brain tells me what crap that is, my heart screams over the logical part.  My emotions are like a child plugging their ears and singing as loud as they can.  "I can't hear you.  Just let me sit in self pity.  Just let me long for the person I once was.  lalalala."

I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,

-Philippians 3:13

I see it in my weight loss struggle too.  I find myself gazing at pictures of the skinny girl I once was.  Once again my heart starts thinking "if only."  If only I weighed 150 pounds again, I would be happy.  If only I could fit into those jeans again, I would be happy.  If only I could lose weight by having pity parties ... if only ...

I once heard that the "What if..." game will drive you crazy.  I think I'd like to add to that ... the combination of the "what if..." and the "if only..." game will drive you into depression.  It's that dang word if.  Well, you know what ... I'm kicking the dang depressing crazy if out of the door and into the street.  

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

You know what ... I have confessed my sins.  I meant it.  I can't change it.  I can't go back in time, and I don't want to.  So anymore questions about regrets or changing the past ... and I'm including a link to this post!

Also, I was listening to my Wicked cd yesterday, and I think this song "For Good" perfectly sums up what I'm trying to tell you.  Here are some lyrics (just substitute life experiences when they are talking about each other)

LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN

LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU {because I made this choice}
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …

LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU... {because I made this choice}

In case you have never had the pleasure of hearing this song or you love it like I do ... here is a video that includes the lyrics.

Don't have regrets.  Don't think what if.  Don't think if only.  Don't let your happiness dwell on something in the past or some goal in the future.  Love yourself now, work towards your goals and dwell in the fact that you have been forgiven by the grace of an Almighty God.