Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Leave with a Smile

Hey blog world. I really did not intend to start this blog and then forget it. Honestly! b/c I already have enough projects that I have started and left hanging...the family blog I started before this. I have just been in such a funk since Matt passed away, and I really didn't want to get on here and go on and on about how it is effecting me and any other depressing thoughts. I really want to focus on all the good things, and I do, but then I flash back to the mental images of the visitation and funeral and that brings in the sad thoughts. And not to blame another cliche saying, but I think some of this is increased hormones, stupid breastfeeding. oh and on that subject we started weaning today, woohoo. I'm a fan of cold-turkey, so a couple of days of painful fun are upcoming for me. I saw the family blog that I started maybe 6 months ago become increasingly depressing and reflective, like featuring pictures of storm clouds and relating them to life. I just want to be happy! Sure, my faith has taken a hit in this past week, but it is something I can recover from. And honestly it has done something to make me want to get off my butt in regards to my faith and get back out there! Matt sent me this facebook message:

Matt Miller September 28, 2009 at 4:24pm
When are you coming to bham next? I really want to see you, meet Andrew and your little girl. I need more Christy in my life than I've been getting.

I need more God in my life than I've been getting, and horrible be it the circumstances I am going to get off my butt and get more God in my life, well find more God at least. A week ago today I left a wonderful celebration of a great friend's life that had my laughing, crying and singing. He had over 1500 people at his veiwing! I told Andrew my goal is now to have that many people when I die, and he told me I'd better get started. Thanks hon, lol. So, I'm confessing to all of the blog world (or the three people who may read this) that I am moving forward. Grieving is hard and I'm not sure how to do it, but I will now always end my memories of Matt with a smile, because that is how he would have wanted it. Oh and Matt - you better still be reading in heaven because blogger is telling me you are still following! love and miss you tons!

and to leave you with a smile...a Matt memory

He started this 'game' we called the "doodie finger."  He would walk up to random people and slide his finger up your bum.  Yup.  And it made people jump.  Which was hillarous.  This was big on choir tours.  My favorite moment was this:
Before we sang, we always joined into a circle and prayed.  Our uniform consisted of white shorts and a blue t-shirt.  Very trendy.  Our director always wore a long white skirt.  Matt tells about the time he went around at the circle giving everyone the "doodie finger".  He went...shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts, skirt, shorts, oh crap!

We played this game called "Honey if you love me."  Maybe you've played it?  The rules are simple.  All you can is "Honey in you love will you please smile" three times and try to get that person to smile.  You went and sat on their lap, but all you could say was honey if you love me, will you please smile.  I could maybe make it to the second time with most people.  But I was smiling whenever Matt caught me eye.  And if you smiled, then you were it.  Matt could always make me smile.  I was so lucky to have been his friend.

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