Friday, September 3, 2010

I don't wanna screw this up

A couple of months ago ... well, probably more than a couple ... ummm a while ago, Andrew and I were talking about our relationship when he shared an observation with me.  He told me that he's noticed most of our arguments happen when we are moving.  The more I thought about it, the more I agreed with him.  All the horrible arguments I remember are within a few weeks of moving in or out of somewhere.  And we have moved alot ... we moved 3 times before our first anniversary, and once a year since then.  I don't know what it is about moving, but it somehow makes me more combative.

Now, we are moving to Birmingham.  I couldn't be happier, seriously.  It is very bittersweet leaving Nashville, but I'm excited about the opportunities for both of us in Birmingham.  But before any of this can start ... we have to move there; we have to pack boxes, and trucks and cars.

Now, I have the knowledge that moving causes strains on our relationship ... and it's like I'm watching a slow motion disaster movie.  Moving boxes are entering our house and my 'fight or flight' response has become all fight.  Fight is building up into a huge fist wound tighter than a jack stuck in a box ready to punch anyone within ten feet ... and by anyone, I mean Andrew; and by punch I mean act like a b*tch.

yup, something like this...

I want to stop.  Last night was bad.  I don't know why ... I saw myself doing it, I heard myself losing patience, I felt that fist winding backwards ... so I went to bed.  I don't want to fight.  I don't want to make my lovely husband upset.

Anyone have any advice?  How can I keep my sanity, my relationship, and gain a new house in a new city all at the same time?  Is that too much to ask for ...

I did find a rainbow in the carpet last night ... maybe that means something ...



  1. could it be the stress of moving? trying to figure out which stuff to keep or to throw out? try to relax and have more patience. if this is stressful for you, it is stressful for him, too. and for the kids...

    have you found a place to live in birmingham?

  2. I think you are making a great first step by being aware of it! Take it each day at a time and take deep breaths when you start to feel upset. Good luck on the move!

  3. Moving is so stressful. Even when it's a positive move, there is just so much to do! Hang in there!

  4. we have moved a total of 9 times in the past 4 years and everytime i get so frustrated.. I think its just you have so much to do and everything else just annoys you.. well thats what it is for me! This time wasnt so bad I went in an packed all the boxes while zach was at work and then I left and came to the new place and cleaned and stuff while he moved so we were out of each others way the whole time.

  5. I think it is great that you walked away. My husband knows by now when to just stop. Find something that your husband can do to help you when you get mad and let him know!

  6. I agree with Sarah, you realized it, you are aware of it and that is the hardest part. the rest is really easy.
    I stress out over planning ... anything! a party, a weekend trip, a long vacation, a trip to the mall ... I don't know why, I just know that it happens. When the irritable me takes over the rational me, watch out!

    hubby knows this about me and yet, he loves me anyway (we are lucky like that). the best way we handle it is I tell him, look I am punchy because of "xyz". I don't want to be mean right now, but this is how I'm feeling.

    normally, once I lay it out, whatever it is that has taken over the sweeter side of me that hubby fell in love with, I can let it go. and together, hubby and I can tackle it with less stress.

  7. Oh, good luck with moving. I feel your pain. Glad you are moving somewhere you want to go. Hugs!

  8. Want me to overnight you some valium? ;)

  9. Moving is insanely stressful! We've done it twice, and both times I count as two of the worst times in our marriage. At least this time you're both aware of it...and can hopefully step away from an argument before it gets bad.


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